Real Life Stories: Secondary Infertility with Kelcey Dabel
Tell me about yourself.
Hi, I’m Kelcey. I have two children, Kira who just turned 6, and Owen who is 3 (almost 4). I am a certified birth and postpartum doula, as well as a certified lactation counselor. I am a homeschool mom, and love it! Although, some days I have sweet, sweet dreams about shipping my kids off to school and having the day for myself. Homeschool life is not easy everyday but it is so sweet and I love that I get to be their teacher in all the ways.
What is secondary infertility?
So, secondary infertility is the inability to get pregnant or carry to term after the birth of a child. It is very misunderstood, silenced, shamed, and those who struggle tend to feel like they do not have a space to genuinely be heard and empathized with.
How did you know you were struggling with infertility?
I will say, I'm fairly anxious person as it is...so, as we were trying to conceive with my son Owen and month after month after month, it was negative pregnancy tests and more stress and crying after I got my cycle. It took us about 8 months of “standing on my head” type of trying to conceive with him. After my whole experience of trying to conceive with him, birth, and postpartum being absolute hell and finally realizing I was struggling with postpartum anxiety WAY more than I had ever let myself acknowledge, I decided to educate myself on all things fertility, birth, and postpartum so I could become the support I so badly needed then.
We started trying to conceive again when I got my cycle back a year and a half after Owen was born (I’m very happy that my postpartum amenorrhea lasts for as long as I breastfeed, not everyone does). After a year of not not trying (not preventing, but trying not to stress about it too). It hit HARD that after a year of not preventing you were considered “infertile” or at least struggling and need to go to the doctor and make sure everything was ok. It actually ended up taking almost 2 years to get pregnant.
What are some steps you took to get pregnant again?
For us, in that first year of trying to get pregnant, we tried literally EVERY natural thing you can think of or have heard of to try to get pregnant. All the supplements!!! Maca powder (which made my cycle 60+ days long, note to self: just because it says its natural and boosts fertility, doesn’t mean it will with you!)
Diet changes, Lifestyle changes...all of this is good, but it was a means to an end, so when we didn’t get pregnant after all this change, it kind of all fell to the wayside.
Once we met with my doctor, he suggested a few things for me, and for my husband to get his sperm checked. I, like many women, assumed the problems all fell on me, this was my fault, it was never easy for me to get pregnant, and now maybe it was impossible after a traumatic birth/postpartum with my son.
I did all the blood work throughout the month to check my LH, FSH, AMH, Progesterone, and Estrogen levels. Everything came back in a normal range. I did the HSG test, where you go into radiology to check and make sure your fallopian tubes were not blocked, that was normal. So we tried clomid. That failed and was not fun for anyone, my hormones went crazy and I got some ovarian hyperstimulation which was incredibly painful. After clomid, we decided, IF this was going to happen, it would happen all in God’s time. We needed to take a step back and stop trying to control the situation.
After everything we did my cycle was a mess! Anywhere from 20 to 80 days and I never knew when I was ovulating. So, my focus instead became regulating my hormones and cycle (really in hopes that I’d get pregnant...still trying to control the situation!)
I started to seed cycle and eventually started to try to understand seed cycling with the moon cycles which was way out of the norm for me!
What do you think were the most effective?
I seed cycled for 2 months before I got pregnant! So, for me...I swear by seed cycling! Mostly because it just makes sense to me, as far as nutrition and how our hormones work to create a perfect environment for conception. It is non invasive, which I’m all about!
As well as tackling my anxiety and stress levels.
Oh! We also did acupuncture for fertility at some point in the journey as well and my cycles were drastically different (in a good way) after that.
What advice would you give to someone who is dealing with infertility?
My best advice to someone who is struggling with infertility would be first and foremost, find a great therapist! It is so very emotionally draining and your best friend does not understand (unless your both in the exact same boat, which is rare). Particularly, those struggling with secondary infertility, I just want to affirm for you that your hurt is real! Yes, you can love your child, or children, and still mourn that fact that you may not be able to have more, or that your family may never look the way you thought it would.
You are not selfish for wanting more children. Do Not let the words of others make you feel less! Your hurt is real! Find your village that lifts you up, do what is best for you mentally and emotionally, and then tackle lifestyle and diet changes.
Your hormones and gut affect your fertility SO much more than we are taught! And if the doctor is necessary for you, brace yourself...it is a journey! It takes a long time to get through all the tests and procedures and figure everything out!
My suggestion would be to get with a specialized fertility doctor and a naturopathic doctor at the same time. Fertility doctors will look at all your tests results with a bit more of a fine tooth comb than your average obstetrician. And the naturopathic doctor can also look at your blood work and tell you the best lifestyle changes or diet changes you can use to boost your fertility.
Anything else we should know?
It has been so weird to think over the past few years and write it all out. Super cathartic! I just want to share that all you TTC moms are warriors and absolutely amazing! The strength it takes to tackle infertility...no one else will understand! You are SO not alone! Fertility should not be a silenced topic! And tell all those people who say, “Just stop stressing about it and you’ll get pregnant” to shush!!!! Find your community! It is out there...and if it isn’t...start a support group! Trust me, you do not have to suffer alone through this journey!
Oh, and it’s super easy to forget your partner in all of this. They are hurting too, they feel the stress too. Love each other well through this journey. Keep sex fun. Date often.
To stay in touch with Kelcey, find her on IG: @kdlvdoula.
